I always feel so down lately. Its like, all these things keep going through my head.....all of these couldda shouldda woulddas and all of those i cant believe i did that or i said that or what did i expect.
All i try to do is the right thing.. But all I end up feeling is sorry that i did it and feeling the need to either cry or apologise.
Well to my sister, Im so sorry. I wish i can take away all of the pain and make everything better. But she will alwys hate me for who I am and thats the one thing im working so hard on trying to change. I never know the right thing to say or do. And I want to...but it never makes anyt difference because comming from me..it will never be right.
Its so sad because all i want is my sister back. To have her in my life...to talk to her. She was the only one I could have gone to and who knew me...but her resentment for me continually grew and now, I cant go back....Im too far.
I think my problem is that I live to much in the past and I need to let go of those feelings that if i try to make it better it will get better. When in reality, the more i try the worse it gets.
I love her, but she never asks how im doing. I guess i coul just die and she wont care.
None of them would.
Morbid.
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